Dear Dr. Hillary Limbaugh,
I was like bugging for some more nasty, but my lover Hector said he was too tired and he got rid of my erection in a jiffy by playing a tape of you giving a campaign speech and I went from 90 degrees to below double digits in less than seven seconds. Please stop campaigning or I will never get another brick again.
Troy, San Juan

Dr Hill says,

Dear Trojan Loser, I have a new rap video out and it's call:
Take That Barack Hussein

Obama you ain't got what I got
I got way mo experience - a lot
When Bill was busy doing the Lewinsky deflower,
Who da ya think was exercising presidential power?
Yo you is a muslem and your pastor is wack
And when you was in the projects you dealt crack
You only got as far as you do because you be black
America needs a nagging hag who will push you back
You don't have to ax when its an inevitability
Ya'll going down to me, uber bitch Hillary.

Dear Dr. Hillary Limbaugh,
I am a gay black and proud bottom who supports the other candidate and doesn't feel he has any problems. What say you?
Sam Hill, Raleigh

Dr Hill says,

Listen, I said this once and I can only repeat myself ad infinitum if I stay in the race, Gay Is Okay - I've been a rug-muncher all my life. The part that people like me find objectionable is that you are black. Probably the only reason you have gotten as far as you have in life is because you are a black bottom - or so says my long time advisor Geraldine Ferraro. Also overwhelming support in my overwhelming victory in West Virginia comes froms "hard-working Americans, white Americans" not you shiftless others. If you want to start feeling better about yourself, and God knows you better start, I urge you to pull a Michael Jackson on yourself. Just as America is the only country where a poor black boy can grow up to be a rich white woman, America is the only country where a rich white racist woman can run for president (and even run as a Democrat)!

Dear Dr. Rush,
Is there a such thing as Prostate Orgasm? Can a man reach a prostate orgasm through prostate stimulation?
Louis in LA

Dr Rush says,

You know, George Bush and I share a lot more than just hardcore patriotism and the desire to slaughter as many darker skinned "people" as we can, we also shared a really hot black dominatrix back in our hot 'lanta days. And let me assure you, she did things to us our anuses didn't soon forget. Ah, sometimes she chained us both together and made us ... Jesus, I digress. Yes, a man can achieve a prostate orgasm but only if administered by a skilled mistress and he's heterosexual. God did not make gay men in His image and He denied them the biggest "O" out of His divine wisdom.

Dear Dr. Rush,
WHY do I only attract femm bottom boys? I mean at first they act like a thug or even remotly masculine. I am a very good looking man.key word there (MAN).sucessful, funny, you know. A man's MAN! But then after they get this FAT, THICK, JUICEY, SIX AND A HALF INCH WONDERNESS I HAVE GOING ON BETWEEN MY LEGS THEY BITCH UP and literally become women. They compleately change their sexuality, hell, their whole SEX! So I guess my question is: DO MASCULINE BOTTOMS EXIST? And if so, where are they?
F'in Fish, Outta Water, OH

Dr Rush says,

People, my life's work includes my nearly pathological diatribe against FEMNAZI's, you know, the women who demand equality but in actually crave supremacy. Seems to me what you have got here is the exact opposite. FRANCOBOT's, if you will. Like the French, these bottoms want to be invaded repeatedly and like the French, surrender everything. Seems to me, my fine f'in fish, that you should switch nationalities. Next time you get that understandable and completely American urge to conquer, why not try invading a Greek for a change? And dare I say it, there is always the Middle East. We've been enjoying f'in them over for nearly a century!

Dear Dr. Rush,
I'm a black homosexual and although I know it's wrong, I still have dreams about Don Imus. What should I do?
O-PEN 2 NE-THING, Sheetzkreek, OH

Dr Rush says,

I don't go in for Imus myself because I feel that one should be able to maintain a steady drug habit and habitually insult all minorties and women on the air AND STILL KEEP YOUR JOB. If you need NE-THING my nappy headed homo, you should be yearning for me!

Dear Dr. Rush,
I'm looking for a hot blatino boy on Spring Break. What city should I go to to find my modern thug? Also, please tell me how to hook up on the subway without getting beat up.
Blatino Boy Seeker, Adirondocks, PA

Dr Rush says,

My dear Boy Blunder, maybe there will come a day when I can learn to accept as equals you blacks, gays, blatinos, blagaynos, and whatever mishmosh you make of the human race, but not in this lifetime! So I suggest you dress up in pink tights, go to the nearest construction site and mince away your last few minutes on earth!

Dear Dr. Rush,
My monogamous lover (he and I have both tested negative for HIV) keeps begging me to try raw anal sex for weeks and I've been delaying it becasue I'm not too interested in getting a chocolate coated dick. What do you think the chances of a messy situation are of happening ? Either way, I guess I could just get fucking wasted and shove it up his shit-tube. After 9 beers I'm sure feces has the currency of gold.
Thunder, Washington, D.C.

Dr Rush says,
When it comes to confectionaries, I assure you I have probably tried them all. Chocolate coatings pose many problems, because the hot fudge stings when you first apply it. Later, it hardens and becomes too brittle. And when it comes to the part about 9 beers I hear you. Now, Senator, I'm glad you wrote me, as it's always important to consult with me before making major policy thrusts, I am all about escalation. However, you don't know what kind of "peeping Tom Daschles" might be monitoring your email, God bless Homeland Security, but you never know when what you might do may leak into the wrong hands. My advice is to lay low, until after the Presidential election. Keep plugging away, McCain, I mean "Thunder."

Dear Dr. Rush,
I dumped my ex-boyfriend. But his ex-boyfriend is really da bomb. Iz it cool to sleep with him?
Pat, Greenwich, CT

Dr Rush says,
Why don't you just contract AIDS, if you haven't already, round up all your ex's and their ex's and bareback every single one of them in some kind of sleazy "coco-dorm" bath house ... wait a minute, my editor just informed me that you are white, female and Republican! In that case, it is perfectly acceptable for you to "play the field" as it were. Enjoy, I know I do!

Dear Dr. Rush,
In a recent review by Rod at Fleshbot.com he said that Thugporn video is contaminated with salmonella. Should I microwave their DVDs before letting my husband watch them?
Sally May, Big Butte

Dr Rush says,
People, the only way you can get salmonella from sex is by actually having intercourse with the chicken, something I have sworn off since my Boy Scout days. It's just those liberals trying their "scare and shun" tactics again.

Dear Dr. Rush

I am a gay male, age 44, married to my boyfriend and our problem is ... Dr Rush cuts in,

Absolutely, positively, no way are you queers married. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. With only two people on earth to procreate that left quite a lot of incest between their offspring - but that's the way God wanted it!